I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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