she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
