I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
