Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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