We won't sleep together?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We're too hungover to prance.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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