You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
