Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
