Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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