If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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