after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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