im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
