the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
