the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
