I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
