I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
