And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am naked and annoyed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
