she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
