You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
