I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
