just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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