sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
