Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
