Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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