all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
being pregnant is like rehab
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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