I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
