Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
