i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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