"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
