rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
