you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
