Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
