i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
