Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
