i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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