she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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