there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
