Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
