there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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