You're my little dorito
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
