cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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