Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
