Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
