theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
