last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
