You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
