i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Sacagawea was the original milf.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
