she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
