My boss' voice literally gives me gas
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
