this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
