please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
