Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You were trust falling into bushes
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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