Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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