I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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