I look better un-naked...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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