shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
