Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
