chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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