I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
