I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
